Ниже приводится один из нескольких подобных маленьких анекдотов, записанных Льюисом Кэрроллом для будущего использования: доктор Пэджет проводил школьный экзамен и в ходе своих вопросов случайно спросил маленького ребенка о значении слова «средний». Он был совершенно сбит с толку ответом: «То, на чем лежат куры», пока ребенок не объяснил, что читал в книге, будто куры несут в среднем столько-то яиц в год.
JOHN RUSKIN.
From a photograph
by Lewis Carroll.
Среди известных людей, которых он фотографировал, был Джон Рёскин, и, поскольку несколько друзей просили у него копии, он написал, чтобы спросить разрешения мистера Рёскина. Ответ был: «Купите номер 5 журнала "Fors Clavigera" за 1871 год, который даст вам ответ». Это было не то, чего хотел мистер Доджсон, поэтому он написал в ответ: «Не могу позволить себе десять пенсов!». В конце концов мистер Рёскин дал свое согласие.
Примерно в это время вышли анонимные «Заметки оксфордского чила» — сборник статей, написанных по разным поводам и посвященных оксфордским спорам. Рассматривая их по порядку, мы имеем сначала «Новый метод оценки, примененный к пи», впервые опубликованный братьями Паркер в 1865 году, темой которого был спор о королевской профессуре греческого языка. Одного отрывка будет достаточно, чтобы показать, как рассматривалось это дело: «Пусть U = Университет, G = Греческий, и P = Профессор. Тогда G P = Греческий профессор; пусть это будет сокращено до простейших членов, и назовем результат J [т.е. Джоуэтт]».
Вторая статья называется «Динамика частицы» и является, безусловно, лучшей в серии; это геометрическое рассмотрение состязания между мистером Гаторном Харди и мистером Гладстоном за представительство в Университете. Вот некоторые из «Определений», с которых была начата эта тема:
Plain Superficiality is the character of a speech, in which any two points being taken, the speaker is found to lie wholly with regard to those two points.
Plain Anger is the inclination of two voters to one another, who meet together, but whose views are not in the same direction.
When two parties, coming together, feel a Right Anger, each is said to be complimentary to the other, though, strictly speaking, this is very seldom the case.
A surd is a radical whose meaning cannot be exactly ascertained.
Поскольку «Заметки оксфордского чила» давно не переиздавались, я приведу еще несколько отрывков из этой статьи:
On Differentiation.
The effect of Differentiation on a Particle is very remarkable, the first differential being frequently of greater value than the original particle, and the second of less enlightenment.
For example, let L = "Leader", S = "Saturday", and then LS = "Leader in the Saturday" (a particle of no assignable value). Differentiating once, we get L.S.D., a function of great value. Similarly it will be found that, by taking the second Differential of an enlightened Particle (i.e., raising it to the Degree D.D.), the enlightenment becomes rapidly less. The effect is much increased by the addition of a C: in this case the enlightenment often vanishes altogether, and the Particle becomes Conservative.
PROPOSITIONS.
PROP. I. PR.
To find the value of a given Examiner.
Example.—A takes in ten books in the Final Examination and gets a 3rd class; B takes in the Examiners, and gets a 2nd. Find the value of the Examiners in terms of books. Find also their value in terms in which no Examination is held.
PROP. II. PR.
To estimate Profit and Loss.
Example.—Given a Derby Prophet, who has sent three different winners to three different betting-men, and given that none of the three horses are placed. Find the total loss incurred by the three men (a) in money, (b) in temper. Find also the Prophet. Is this latter usually possible?
PROP. IV. TH.
The end (i.e., "the product of the extremes") justifies (i.e., "is equal to"—see Latin "aequus") the means.
No example is appended to this Proposition, for obvious reasons.
PROP. V. PR.
To continue a given series.
Example.—A and B, who are respectively addicted to Fours and Fives, occupy the same set of rooms, which is always at Sixes and Sevens. Find the probable amount of reading done by A and B while the Eights are on.
Третья статья называлась «Факты, цифры и фантазии». Лучшим в ней была пародия на «Покинутую деревню», отрывок из которой будет найден в более поздней главе. Было также письмо старшему цензору Крайст-Черч, пародирующее аналогичное письмо, в котором профессор физики ответил на предложение попечителей Кларендона подробным перечислением требований своего собственного факультета естественных наук. Письмо мистера Доджсона касается воображаемых требований математической школы:
Dear Senior Censor,—In a desultory conversation on a point connected with the dinner at our high table, you incidentally remarked to me that lobster-sauce, "though a necessary adjunct to turbot, was not entirely wholesome!"
It is entirely unwholesome. I never ask for it without reluctance: I never take a second spoonful without a feeling of apprehension on the subject of a possible nightmare. This naturally brings me to the subject of Mathematics, and of the accommodation provided by the University for carrying on the calculations necessary in that important branch of Science.
As Members of Convocation are called upon (whether personally, or, as is less exasperating, by letter) to consider the offer of the Clarendon Trustees, as well as every other subject of human, or inhuman, interest, capable of consideration, it has occurred to me to suggest for your consideration how desirable roofed buildings are for carrying on mathematical calculations: in fact, the variable character of the weather in Oxford renders it highly inexpedient to attempt much occupation, of a sedentary nature, in the open air.
Again, it is often impossible for students to carry on accurate mathematical calculations in close contiguity to one another, owing to their mutual conversation; consequently these processes require different rooms in which irrepressible conversationalists, who are found to occur in every branch of Society, might be carefully and permanently fixed.
It may be sufficient for the present to enumerate the following requisites—others might be added as funds permit:—
A. A very large room for calculating Greatest Common Measure. To this a small one might be attached for Least Common Multiple: this, however, might be dispensed with.
B. A piece of open ground for keeping Roots and practising their extraction: it would be advisable to keep Square Roots by themselves, as their corners are apt to damage others.
C. A room for reducing Fractions to their Lowest Terms. This should be provided with a cellar for keeping the Lowest Terms when found, which might also be available to the general body of Undergraduates, for the purpose of "keeping Terms."
D. A large room, which might be darkened, and fitted up with a magic lantern, for the purpose of exhibiting circulating Decimals in the act of circulation. This might also contain cupboards, fitted with glass doors, for keeping the various Scales of Notation.
E. A narrow strip of ground, railed off and carefully levelled, for investigating the properties of Asymptotes, and testing practically whether Parallel Lines meet or not: for this purpose it should reach, to use the expressive language of Euclid, "ever so far."
This last process of "continually producing the lines," may require centuries or more; but such a period, though long in the life of an individual, is as nothing in the life of the University.
As Photography is now very much employed in recording human expressions, and might possibly be adapted to Algebraical Expressions, a small photographic room would be desirable, both for general use and for representing the various phenomena of Gravity, Disturbance of Equilibrium, Resolution, &c., which affect the features during severe mathematical operations.
May I trust that you will give your immediate attention to this most important subject?
Believe me,
Sincerely yours,
Mathematicus.
Затем последовала «Новая колокольня Крайст-Черч, Оксфорд; монография D.C.L.». На титульном листе был аккуратно нарисован квадрат — фигура из Евклида I. 46, — под которой было написано: «Вид на новую колокольню Крайст-Черч с востока, как она видна с луга». Новая колокольня, к счастью, осталась в прошлом, и ее наглое уродство больше не портит Крайст-Черч, но пока она существовала, она, несомненно, была отличной мишенью для сарказма Льюиса Кэрролла. Его статья о ней разделена на тринадцать глав. Три из них, пожалуй, стоит процитировать:
§1. On the etymological significance of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch.
The word "Belfry" is derived from the French bel, "beautiful, becoming, meet," and from the German frei, "free unfettered, secure, safe." Thus, the word is strictly equivalent to "meat-safe," to which the new Belfry bears a resemblance so perfect as almost to amount to coincidence.
§4. On the chief architectural merit of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch.
Its chief merit is its simplicity—a simplicity so pure, so profound, in a word, so simple, that no other word will fitly describe it. The meagre outline, and baldness of detail, of the present Chapter, are adopted in humble imitation of this great feature.
§5. On the other architectural merits of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch.
The Belfry has no other architectural merits.
Затем последовало «Видение трех Т». Это также была атака на архитектурные изменения в Крайст-Черч; общий стиль был пародией на «Искусного рыболова». Наконец, появилась «Чистый чек, басня» в связи со строительством Новых школ, на расходы по которому действительно предлагалось (в 1874 году) подписать чистый чек до того, как была составлена смета или представлен какой-либо план Университету, и даже до того, как был избран комитет для назначения архитектора для этой работы.
В конце 1874 года мистер Доджсон снова был в Хатфилде, где рассказал детям историю о принце Уггуге, которая впоследствии стала частью «Сильви и Бруно», хотя в то время, по-видимому, была отдельной сказкой. Но «Сильви и Бруно», в этом отношении совершенно не похожая на «Алису в Стране чудес», была результатом заметок, сделанных в течение многих лет; ибо, обдумывая книгу, он никогда не упускал из виду любые забавные обрывки детских разговоров или смешные анекдоты о детях, которые попадались ему на глаза. Именно этот факт придает такую правдоподобность лепету Бруно; детская речь — это то, что взрослый человек никак не может изобрести. Он может только слушать то, что дети говорят на самом деле, а затем объединить услышанное в связное повествование.
В течение 1875 года мистер Доджсон написал статью «Некоторые популярные заблуждения о вивисекции», от которой отказалась «Пэлл Мэлл Газетт», редактор которой сказал, что никогда не слышал о большинстве из них; на что мистер Доджсон жалобно отмечает в своем дневнике, что семь из тринадцати заблуждений, рассмотренных в его эссе, появились на страницах «Пэлл Мэлл Газетт». В конечном итоге она была принята редактором «Фортнайтли Ревью». Мистер Доджсон испытывал особый ужас перед вивисекцией. Однажды я гулял с ним в Оксфорде, когда мимо нас прошел некий известный профессор. «Боюсь, этот человек занимается вивисекцией», — сказал он самым серьезным тоном. Каждый год он просил друга порекомендовать ему список подходящих благотворительных организаций, в которые он мог бы делать взносы. Однажды в этом списке появилось название какого-то приюта для потерянных собак. Прежде чем мистер Доджсон отправил свою гинею, он написал секретарю, чтобы узнать, не имеет ли управляющий приютом привычки отправлять собак, которых приходится усыплять, в физиологические лаборатории для вивисекции. Ответ был отрицательным, так что учреждение получило чек. Однако он не выступал за полную отмену вивисекции — какой разумный человек мог бы это сделать? — но хотел бы, чтобы она была гораздо более тщательно ограничена законом. Его более раннее письмо в «Пэлл Мэлл Газетт» на ту же тему достаточно характерно, чтобы заслужить место здесь. Заметьте, что он подписал его «Льюис Кэрролл», чтобы любое влияние или сила, которые дали ему его сочинения, могли сказаться в споре.
ВИВИСЕКЦИЯ КАК ЗНАМЕНИЕ ВРЕМЕНИ. To the Editor of the "Pall Mall Gazette."
Sir,—The letter which appeared in last week's Spectator, and which must have saddened the heart of every one who read it, seems to suggest a question which has not yet been asked or answered with sufficient clearness, and that is, How far may vivisection be regarded as a sign of the times, and a fair specimen of that higher civilisation which a purely secular State education is to give us? In that much-vaunted panacea for all human ills we are promised not only increase of knowledge, but also a higher moral character; any momentary doubt on this point which we may feel is set at rest at once by quoting the great crucial instance of Germany. The syllogism, if it deserves the name, is usually stated thus: Germany has a higher scientific education than England; Germany has a lower average of crime than England; ergo, a scientific education tends to improve moral conduct. Some old-fashioned logician might perhaps whisper to himself, "Praemissis particularibus nihil probatur," but such a remark, now that Aldrich is out of date, would only excite a pitying smile. May we, then, regard the practice of vivisection as a legitimate fruit, or as an abnormal development, of this higher moral character? Is the anatomist, who can contemplate unmoved the agonies he is inflicting for no higher purpose than to gratify a scientific curiosity, or to illustrate some well-established truth, a being higher or lower, in the scale of humanity, than the ignorant boor whose very soul would sicken at the horrid sight? For if ever there was an argument in favour of purely scientific education more cogent than another, it is surely this (a few years back it might have been put into the mouth of any advocate of science; now it reads like the merest mockery): "What can teach the noble quality of mercy, of sensitiveness to all forms of suffering, so powerfully as the knowledge of what suffering really is? Can the man who has once realised by minute study what the nerves are, what the brain is, and what waves of agony the one can convey to the other, go forth and wantonly inflict pain on any sentient being?" A little while ago we should have confidently replied, "He cannot do it"; in the light of modern revelations we must sorrowfully confess "He can." And let it never be said that this is done with serious forethought of the balance of pain and gain; that the operator has pleaded with himself, "Pain is indeed an evil, but so much suffering may fitly be endured to purchase so much knowledge." When I hear of one of these ardent searchers after truth giving, not a helpless dumb animal, to whom he says in effect, "You shall suffer that I may know," but his own person to the probe and to the scalpel, I will believe in him as recognising a principle of justice, and I will honour him as acting up to his principles. "But the thing cannot be!" cries some amiable reader, fresh from an interview with that most charming of men, a London physician. "What! Is it possible that one so gentle in manner, so full of noble sentiments, can be hardhearted? The very idea is an outrage to common sense!" And thus we are duped every day of our lives. Is it possible that that bank director, with his broad honest face, can be meditating a fraud? That the chairman of that meeting of shareholders, whose every tone has the ring of truth in it, can hold in his hand a "cooked" schedule of accounts? That my wine merchant, so outspoken, so confiding, can be supplying me with an adulterated article? That the schoolmaster, to whom I have entrusted my little boy, can starve or neglect him? How well I remember his words to the dear child when last we parted. "You are leaving your friends," he said, "but you will have a father in me, my dear, and a mother in Mrs. Squeers!" For all such rose-coloured dreams of the necessary immunity from human vices of educated men the facts in last week's Spectator have a terrible significance. "Trust no man further than you can see him," they seem to say. "Qui vult decipi, decipiatur."
Allow me to quote from a modern writer a few sentences bearing on this subject:—
"We are at present, legislature and nation together, eagerly pushing forward schemes which proceed on the postulate that conduct is determined, not by feelings, but by cognitions. For what else is the assumption underlying this anxious urging-on of organisations for teaching? What is the root-notion common to Secularists and Denominationalists but the notion that spread of knowledge is the one thing needful for bettering behaviour? Having both swallowed certain statistical fallacies, there has grown up in them the belief that State education will check ill-doing.... This belief in the moralising effects of intellectual culture, flatly contradicted by facts, is absurd a priori.... This faith in lesson-books and readings is one of the superstitions of the age.... Not by precept, though heard daily; not by example, unless it is followed; but only by action, often caused by the related feeling, can a moral habit be formed. And yet this truth, which mental science clearly teaches, and which is in harmony with familiar sayings, is a truth wholly ignored in current educational fanaticisms."
There need no praises of mine to commend to the consideration of all thoughtful readers these words of Herbert Spencer. They are to be found in "The Study of Sociology" (pp. 36l—367).
Let us, however, do justice to science. It is not so wholly wanting as Mr. Herbert Spencer would have us believe in principles of action—principles by which we may regulate our conduct in life. I myself once heard an accomplished man of science declare that his labours had taught him one special personal lesson which, above all others, he had laid to heart. A minute study of the nervous system, and of the various forms of pain produced by wounds had inspired in him one profound resolution; and that was—what think you?—never, under any circumstances, to adventure his own person into the field of battle! I have somewhere read in a book—a rather antiquated book, I fear, and one much discredited by modern lights—the words, "the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." Truly we read these words with a new meaning in the present day! "Groan and travail" it undoubtedly does still (more than ever, so far as the brute creation is concerned); but to what end? Some higher and more glorious state? So one might have said a few years back. Not so in these days. The telos teleion of secular education, when divorced from religious or moral training, is—I say it deliberately—the purest and most unmitigated selfishness. The world has seen and tired of the worship of Nature, of Reason, of Humanity; for this nineteenth century has been reserved the development of the most refined religion of all—the worship of Self. For that, indeed, is the upshot of it all. The enslavement of his weaker brethren—"the labour of those who do not enjoy, for the enjoyment of those who do not labour"—the degradation of woman—the torture of the animal world—these are the steps of the ladder by which man is ascending to his higher civilisation. Selfishness is the key-note of all purely secular education; and I take vivisection to be a glaring, a wholly unmistakable case in point. And let it not be thought that this is an evil that we can hope to see produce the good for which we are asked to tolerate it, and then pass away. It is one that tends continually to spread. And if it be tolerated or even ignored now, the age of universal education, when the sciences, and anatomy among them, shall be the heritage of all, will be heralded by a cry of anguish from the brute creation that will ring through the length and breadth of the land! This, then, is the glorious future to which the advocate of secular education may look forward: the dawn that gilds the horizon of his hopes! An age when all forms of religious thought shall be things of the past; when chemistry and biology shall be the ABC of a State education enforced on all; when vivisection shall be practised in every college and school; and when the man of science, looking forth over a world which will then own no other sway than his, shall exult in the thought that he has made of this fair green earth, if not a heaven for man, at least a hell for animals.